Service Over Satisfaction — Sincerely, Kindred

WORDS BY Kaitlyn Lamb

I cannot satisfy my fiancé.

That’s a pretty tough thing to realize. At the beginning of our relationship, all of the excitement and discovery gave me this beautiful illusion that I was enough for him. I saw his face when I greeted him—the look of happiness and contentment when I held his hand. I was the one to encourage him when life was hard. I brought him joy in the midst of pain.

Then the illusion wore off. We are planning for our future together and the realities of life have become far too apparent. The unforeseen expenses, the car that won’t stop breaking down, the stress of trying to find affordable housing—it all wears us down. My brokenness, my fears, and my present sin bring pain to us both; I am no longer his only source of joy. Contrary to what a good rom-com might show, I do not complete or fulfill this man I love so deeply.

It is heartbreaking to look at the person I adore and see that I am not enough for him. Yet, I know this issue is not unique to just us; it is a part of every relationship story. We are all flawed, weak, and can barely contain our own mess. It is absolutely impossible for us to present ourselves as a perfect offering to our spouses.

Is it hopeless, then? Absolutely not.

As I have wrestled with this, God has graciously brought His truth to my mind. The answer does not lie in: trying harder to be enough, to say the right things, to do the right things.

The raw, biblical truth is that I am not called to satisfy my fiancé; that mandate is nowhere in Scripture.

What I read time and time again is a command to serve. As a soon-to-be wife, I cannot satisfy my husband, but I can sacrifice for him in a way that points others to Christ’s ultimate sacrifice. I can love him radically. I can surrender my selfish desires to God each day in hopes that I will better Him and and the people He has placed in my life.

I cannot satisfy my fiancé but by the grace of God, I will commit to a lifetime of serving him. Not with the goal of gaining his affection or finding my satisfaction in our marriage, but so that I can ultimately serve my Lord.

My identity and purpose are found not in my human relationships but in my position as a child of God. Christ came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45, NIV). He gave up everything to radically love us.

My service is undeniably imperfect and weak in comparison. But I pray that through His strength, my broken life will draw people to Him. That is my greatest aim.

Sincerely,
Kindred