BY MEGHAN ANDERSON
My day has been rough
Leaving me to feel like a mess
Yet you hold me in your arms and are eager to listen
My God is just alike
I can’t shake my mood
Yet you are patient and make every effort to be what I need
My God is just alike
Left convicted, but thankful for your words
Yet you remain humble and leave credit where due
My God is just alike
I always dreamt of marriage. I was the little girl who would sketch out her wedding dress, plan her color schemes, and even be a bride for Halloween. Where I thought I was excited for marriage, I was really excited for a fairy tale.
Before I met Curtis, and even early on in our relationship, I was in love with the idea of being with someone. Having the “wife” or “Mrs.” title with a gorgeous glimmer of diamonds on my left ring finger came far before thinking about the sacrifice and selflessness that marriage requires.
Being a senior in college and still single, there was a lot of pressure I felt about not experiencing what I had always imagined I would. Doesn’t everyone meet their spouse in college? Do I not have anything to offer someone? Insecurities ate at me and built off of other anxieties. Is it my weight? Is it my intelligence? Is it something lacking in my personality? If I found myself interested in someone, often I found those feelings to not be reciprocated.
Towards the end of college I realized my daydreams and anxious thoughts were not the truths I should be fixed on. I was seemingly looking for a relationship that I had already found in Christ, but didn’t understand how the intimacies connected. Searching for someone to essentially replace God with was my downfall. Christ knew me in the rawest form and yet was gentle in transforming my heart and patient in transforming my mind to know and want Him. Why would I want to replace this kind of intentionality?
It was not until I stopped searching for different avenues to fulfill my expectations
that God brought me closer to Himself in a new way.
He crafted my relationship with Curtis through a divine friendship. And as time progressed, we learned how both of us were brought into each other’s lives with qualities and experiences we could have never dreamt of knowing in another person.
Now being married, I realize this relationship is more than I ever thought it was going to be. It’s comforting, beautiful, raw, uplifting, exposing, surprising, humbling, and much more. Most of all, it’s not all about me. I definitely did not plan for this since I was little. I pictured that by the time I was married, I would be put together, my insecurities would be finished with, my style would be trendy, my job would be incredible, and life would be fun.
- I still don’t know “being put together” even mean?
- Insecurities...yep, still here! And they’re bigger???
- Well, I have a pair of cute booties if that counts as trendy, but otherwise
I’m looking the same.
- I can’t wait to have my own classroom, but wow this whole teacher thing is hard!
- Life can be fun but it will never be absent of hardships…
And, that’s a little silly to dream of.
So here I am at 23 years old, still in grad school, still flawed, same style, and nevertheless experiencing both good and bad days.
I have come to understand a truer definition of marriage:
It is the binding of a man and a woman brought together
for the sole purpose of bringing God more glory than
they would be able to do on their own.
When we fail Him, our spouse is there to encourage us to repent and continue in the faith. When we fail each other, the grace of God sustains us to forgive the other person as He has forgiven us. For this purpose, marriage demands a daily dose of humility, acceptance, and servanthood - knowing we are equal in our sins and God’s love for us.
My purpose of writing is not to shed light on being married or to uplift Curtis and I as a couple; but rather to emphasize how Christ is the beauty in the marriages we admire. I have found great love for my husband because of how he has led me to find a greater love for Jesus. Reunite with your Creator who knows you best, and is the author of all things good – I promise that’s what you are craving most.
Photo by Jessica Bills