Dear Lady in Waiting,
WORDS // JESSICA BILLS
My dear sweet Lady in Waiting, waiting freaking sucks.
My personality is not a patient one. I do not want to be sitting here prayer journaling about my prince to come. I want him here, like yesterday.
Ever since I became a Christian when I was 15, one of the most common things I heard in church was wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. And seeing as my personality can feel lesser than the Proverbs 31 woman, this did not amuse my eager heart.
But alas, I listened, as you did, to the advice of other thirsty women who said things like: And while you’re waiting, read this book about waiting. And while you’re waiting, write a list of all the most perfect things your future husband will be like. Oh you’ve done those things. Then daily you need to be praying for your future prince and the horse that will be carrying his righteousness.
Now, hear me, none of these things are evil things (and my apologies for some of the sass). These are great things and kudos to the small group leaders or mentors that told them to our frustrated selves.
The problem is we have taken these ideas of how to deal with waiting and we have made them our identity. I see you @ladyinwaiting91 on Instagram or the Twitter bios that reads “waiting for my prince to come.”
We took an idea and created an idol. We took the idea of being patient and waiting for our “future” husband and have convoluted this waiting period -- leaving us picky, bitter, and discontent.
Never did I hear, as a 17 year old girl seeking Jesus, that I should make a list of my spiritual gifts. Never did I hear to pray for my future ministries. IN FACT, never did someone tell me to pray for my future ministry partner.
Once I started praying for my future ministry partner (versus my future prince charming), I found myself becoming more and more content with waiting. Because just the change of WHO I was praying for reminded me that marriage is not just about God-honoring cuddles. It’s about a task. And for us Christian women, it’s a task of glorifying God with the calling that He has given us and our husbands.
I appeal to you today, you future wives, mothers, leaders of ministries, to stop passively victimizing yourself as single.
I rally you to actively wait for your future ministry partner to get on the same page as you in this story of God redeeming the Church back to Himself.
Your identity is more than a damsel in distress. You’re more than a woman frozen in singleness. Because if you are passively waiting for a man to make you secure, now when you are single, imagine what that will be like in your third year of marriage. You will be an insecure, wandering mess because your identity during SINGLENESS and during MARRIAGE was orbiting around an ideal idol that does not exist.
Single women, your future husband is not the sun. He is not your salvation. He is not prince charming. He is a sinner. He will disappoint you. Please dropkick these unrealistic expectations before you find yourself ruining every chance of a life-giving relationship.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!.” Psalm 20:4
Imagine what the church would look like if we, as the awesome young women we are, rested our identity in the communal bride of Christ that is the Church.
So my dear Lady in Waiting, who are you? What do you want? What do you yearn for? What are your dreams? What are your passions? What are your fears?
Now, if you answered three or more saying: “my marriage”, “my future Boaz”, and you have never been in a God-honoring romantic relationship, I just want to say sit down and figure out who you are before you go husband hunting at the next young adult event at your church.
Pray for God to show you how to actively wait. He will answer. He did with me. ((And if this is something if you would like to talk with our Kindred team about, please contact us! I would love to share how God showed me how to prepare for future ministries.))
My dear sister, who are you? And more so, what is your identity in Christ?
I’m praying for you friend.
PHOTO // JESSICA BILLS